I finally managed to have a breather this long weekend from a so-called tight schedule in my social life....
Yes, let me repeat...my 'social life'......for those who've known me all these while as the lone nomad who seeks solace from solitary confinement, yes, let me assure you, what you've just heard is the truth.....
One birthday after another, one gathering after another, one appointment after another...
A seemingly endless chain...
So this weekend, I'm back to my old days........
And I'm truly thankful that I have more time to see myself in the mirror again for a 'soul-analysis' which I've not done for quite some time.......
The major results of this time around is His answer to me from my questions: Why am I stagnant? Why is my passion and zeal for Him stagnant? Why is my experience with Him stagnant? Why are the things I wanted to do for Him stagnant? Why are my dreams stagnant?
And truly, when I looked in the mirror hard enough, I see nothing, nothing of 'love for Him' or the sort, but rather love for the world and its attention......love for fame, love for recognition......
Yes, I want to write......I said I want to use my talents to glorify Him, but analyzing myself again to the deepest level, "Is that my main reason?"
Do I post in this blog to share my challenges and thoughts, to inspire others to seek, serve and follow Him? or do I aspire instead to garner praises for my writing talents, radical and so-called holy thoughts?
Yes, I want to make a life-changing movie, or publish a life-changing book, but really, the Lord knows my deepest intentions. Do I long to make the world smile or Him smile?
When someone turns to the Lord, do I smile because it's due to my contribution or just because, I love that someone enough to rejoice with that person when he or she is saved?
Lord, forgive me of my pride......I'm nothing, nothing without You...
If ever again, I extol myself higher than You, shoving You aside as I take the General's position, bring me down again, and make me the lowliest soldier if You think I should be.....
Just don't drive me out from your army and as long as I can at Your service...and Yours alone.....
There's another answer to my questions just now of my stagnation...but that will be revealed in the next post......
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